Drinking on the Job
by Kwantum
Summary: A belated birthday present to Vingle, may you have many more buddy :D Mablung is utterly drunk with a disgruntled Beleg and Turin to tend to his every need


"We should do something" Beleg murmured worriedly as he peered up into the tree that was currently housing a boisterous Mablung.

"Dammit Beleg, we've been standing here for hours" Turin shot back

"We can't leave him up there Turin, not all night at least."

"He's drunk, and he's Mablung, him tripping isn't going to be life threatening." the edain reasoned

"I was kinda more worried about the plants and animals around him" Beleg amended

The two march wardens were looking up hopelessly at Mablung who was perched at the top of a tree happy as a clam.

"Come on Mablung," Beleg called up, "it's time to head in now"

"I," he said with great exaggeration, "blew up the armies of the Morgoth. All. By. Myself."

Mablung beamed widely and tottered dangerously on the tree branch that he was currently inhabiting.

"Yes, we're all very proud of you." Beleg agreed with an indulgent smile, shooting his friend a worried look

"Now get the hell down from there" Turin said dryly, exasperated

"It was pretty," Mablung continued with a faraway look, "the explosion I mean," he clarified

"Yes, yes it was." agreed Turin flatly

"Why don't you come down so you can tell the others all about it?" Beleg prompted

"no" Mablung replied with a smug smile, waving his half empty bottle of wine at the two standing a good fifteen feet below him.

"I blew it up guys" He bellowed, causing all the small animals within a ten meter radius of him to scamper off

"Boom" Beleg agreed, trying to calm him while Turin looked around worriedly,

"Remind him," Turin hissed, "that we are protectors of Doriath, warriors of stealth, and are technically still on duty"

Beleg turned his attention back to Turin who was mercifully back amusing himself quietly with twiddling his thumbs.

"and you guys," the drunk ellon continued in a hurt voice, "you said that I'd mess up"

"we didn't say that," countered Turin defensively, "we told you not to mess up"

"'cause you thought that I would" Mablung argued back

"but you didn't" Beleg amended, "and proved us all wrong, so you can come down now"

Turin shrugged, he hated having to get into one of Mablung's the-world-hates-me discussions, and since he was as drunk as he was, there wasn't really any point.

"Aw crap" Mablung burst out in sudden worry

"What?" Beleg asked looking concerned

"I'm a commander of march wardens"

"Don't worry," Turin said coolly, "I think your secret's out."

"but I'm the captain," he repeated, "I can't get drunk"

"We have some pretty firm evidence of the contrary right in front of us" Beleg countered

"But I'm the captain," he repeated again

"we know" replied Turin

"I can't be caught drunk and disorderly" Mablung whispered conspiratorially, eyes darting around for onlookers

"You're not disorderly," argued Beleg, "just a little drunk"

"Don't elves come with some quickly metabolizing liver tissue?" Turin asked Beleg

"he drank our last three bottles of wine" Beleg replied nonplussed

Mablung took another long swig out of his bottle of booze, and began to sway back and forth ominously

"Come on," implored Beleg, "Melian is worried that is you breathed on a spark she'd lose half the forest in the explosion."

Mablung chuckled and continued swaying on his branch, causing both Turin and Beleg to dart to the area beneath him should Mablung fall.

"I'm not drunk" he stated proudly, right before he keeled over and threw up the contents of his stomach, splattering both Turin and Beleg who had just jumped back just in time to avoid a full on collision.

Turin took a moment to assess the damage while Beleg continued on with trying to get Mablung down with more fruitless coaxing.

"Alright that's enough of that" said Turin bitterly, "as much as I love the smell of elvish vomit all over me, I say we do what we should've done from the beginning. Beleg, you get up there are push him off, and I'll catch him."

Beleg raised an eyebrow, "we are not pushing him out of a tree" he stated simply

"well then how else are we going to get him down?" Turin shot wildly

"Bargon get over here" Beleg called back to their camp

"Dear Eru what have you done?" Turin grumbled as a jaunty Bargon strode over to the base of Mablung's tree

"Having a nice night are we?" Bargon asked of his drunk elvish friend. He had been practically waiting for an invitation to join in Mablung's antics

"Suggestions?" asked Beleg, gesturing up at Mablung who seemed to be seriously considering if setting his tree on fire would make pretty lights

"Yeah" Bargon answered confidently

"Suggestions that will work?" Turin clarified

"Hell no" Bargon replied with a grim, "but I'm having the time of my life"

"me too" agreed Mablung contentedly as he began to set leaves on fire one by one

"Okay" Beleg said quickly, "I'm beginning to agree with Turin"

"Thank you" the edain replied, "not get up there and lets see if we can get him down before he starts setting squirrels on fire."

"Bargon you did not just hear that nor will you try it" Beleg cut in as he quickly ascended up the tree

Beleg tried his best to lower Mablung down gently but gave in a few feet off the ground

Turin and Bargon caught their drunk friend with a grunt and began the task of getting him upright.

Moments later, Beleg was there beside them and the three hauled Mablung back to camp, his limp arms slung over Beleg's and Turin's respective shoulders as Bargon frequently righted him when he made to fall backwards.

On the way back Mablung began to mumble incoherently, though the three vomit splattered march wardens liked to think that they were noises of gratitude.

"You guys are great, you guys are just great," Mablung mumbled, only slightly slurred as he looked at his three friends with a broad grin

"Aww," coddled Bargon with grin that practically screamed blackmail, "he's an adorable drunk"

Mablung's good mood seemed to have disappeared as quickly as it came, and he did not appreciate being referred to as adorable.

"You won't be so happy when you're sober" he puffed angrily

"We are sober," Beleg reminded him, "you're the one thats drunk"

Oh," Mablung said defeated

Turin was barely biting back hoots of laughter as Mablung shook off the helping hands, spun around and nearly face planted into a clump of thistles.

"Whoa there" Beleg said as he reached out and redirected his friend back to where he usually slept.

Halfway through his graceful lunge towards his little patch of ground, Mablung had passed out and was not sleeping it off face firmly embedded in the dirt

The three remaining survivors of the night's escapade did their best to make their friend comfortable, and after placing a canteen of water and a fistful of drugs on the tree stump beside him, the three moved off.

"Hold on a sec," Beleg asked when he realized that Turin and Bargon had moved way beyond where they usually slept and were following him to the other side of camp.

"We're not staying with him" Turin stated plainly

"Yeah," Bargon agreed, "as fun as he is drunk, we don't want to be there when he's hungover."

"We like being alive" Turin said with a nod

"Cowards" Beleg grumbled darkly as he made her way back to Shard's unmoving form to start the night long vigil.

Turin and Bargon smiled and began to comfortably settle down next to the fire that the strongbow had expertly built to keep burning throughout the night.

"If he relieves himself on me I'll kill you both" Beleg called out to his two friends who had yet to fall asleep.

Bargon waved a tired arm to let the strongbow know that he accepted his terms and would take over guard duty as per their appointed schedule.


End file.
